"open this wall for me, please."

my love for jazz, metaphors, and life lessons

One thing a lot of people don’t know about me is that I love jazz. When I lived in St. Petersburg, if there were 2 events you’d always see me at, one was comedy shows and the other was jazz nights. Music is such a powerful aspect of life, and I’m so thankful to have the ability to hear it clearly and as loudly as I’d like to. I recently discovered berlioz via a beautifully animated TikTok video on their page. Not only are their song covers beautiful, their music is too. 

Well, berlioz actually has a song called “open this wall”. Though there aren’t many lyrics, “open this wall for me, please” is one of them. As I continued to enjoy this song on repeat, and continue to do so as I write this, I started to think deeper and deeper about why that lyric stuck out to me, and what it meant to me. I’ve experienced more obstacles than I’d like to admit the past year and some change, and I always tried to navigate my way ~around~ my problems. Every part of me was hoping to pass them and leave them in the past, y’know, where negative happenings are supposed to disappear to. Right? 

Not right, haha. The reason why this lyric opened up my soul and walked right through me is because that’s exactly what I was picturing in my head as I listened. Just approaching a wall (the obstacle), and gently requesting it to open. The version of me in my mind wasn’t trying to walk around it, or knock it down, or turn around and run. I simply wanted the wall to open. Now what does open mean to me? Well, a lot of things. 

I just imagined a hole starting to burn from the inside, allowing me to step through. I didn’t run, I didn’t hide, I didn’t avoid it; I went, well, through it. Of course you can argue “well you said you’ve been going THROUGH it for a year and some change, Michaela”. I’d say, in a way, you’re right butttt, you’re also kind of wrong. I feel like I just kept letting things happen to me and wear me down over time, slowly starting to lose sight of myself, my goals, and my purpose. Change didn’t start to come for me until I opened my eyes, stood up, and took an active role in my own life. Instead of writing everything off as my crappy life, I learned how to work with my problems, instead of against them. When you tackle your problems head on, you can begin to recognize the patterns and loops you’ve allowed yourself to get stuck in. 

So if there’s anything to take from this, it’s that it is time to get out of the passenger seat in your life. No more running, no more hiding, no more filing it away to deal with later. Make space for yourself and your feelings so that when you approach the obstacle, all that’s needed is a gentle “open this wall for me, please”. As that hole begins to burn and make space, let the smoke clear as you see your way out of whatever was standing in your way before. Another takeaway is to listen to this amazing song and imagine your wall and what that means to you, if you haven’t already.

p.s. if you’ve been looking for a sign to make a leap, this is kinda giving “take that leap” hehe ;)